The Unholy Trinity: Shame
The central message of the bible purports to be forgiveness, freedom from sin and reconciliation with God. But is that what most people experience? More importantly, if you call yourself a Christian, is that what you experience?
I know its taboo to talk of such things with in the church. Even just a peep of this internal conflict to your bible study group and everyone will begin to wonder, or gossip about what horrible sin you must have in your life.
But, let’s be honest here.
How do you feel during church service? Do you feel forgiven, refreshed, enlightened and alive?! Or, do you feel shameful and depressed? I’ve tried to have these conversations with a number of church-goers and they are incapable of telling me how they feel, instead they quote dogma, bible verses or lines from their favorite worship song. The guilt and shame from not living up to God’s glory – or the pastor’s expectations – keep them from connecting with their own emotions.
Guilt vs. Shame
Guilt and shame are so closely related that the two emotions are easily confused. Guilt results from regret over an action, whereas shame is uneasiness with who we are.
As mentioned on my previous post, I’ve come across a great number of people in the church that abuse their interpretation of scripture to guilt followers into submission. It’s only natural that after so much of this manipulation followers will begin to not only consider most of their actions to be sinful, but also make them feel very poor about themselves as emphasis is placed on what is wrong with them.
The Power of Shame
Shame can result in ugly and negative behaviors. It causes people to turn inward and begin avoiding others, possibly even attacking or striking out at others. We’ve all seen Christians full of hatred harshly lash out against people they consider “sinners” such as gays or abortion clinic workers. Scripture’s teachings about loving one another are a lost thought as these shame-burdened Christians hope for a moment’s relief from thinking they are unworthy.
I don’t know when this started, but it has become a nasty cycle that is passed from one generation to the next with more success than accurate teachings from the Bible. The church has become a sick institution run by people who are daily battling shame. The effects of shame show their ugly head in church power struggles, Christians withdrawing from the real world, holier-than-thou attitudes and many other actions that are very far from the experience we were promised on that first Sunday we stepped into church. Instead of hope, forgiveness and spiritual awareness, you find pew after pew filled of disenchanted, scared and ashamed people hiding behind a very thin wall of Christian jargon.
Having spent a lot of time in Christian circles, I know there are plenty of people who will be able to argue this point and tell me about their peace within. But after seeing what happens after the debate is over, and how people respond to their own failings, I know better. It’s really strange to me that the group of people who are most ferocious to preach forgiveness and peace and all that are usually the ones who are most unlikely to forgive themselves (or others, for that matter-but that’s another post).
July 03 2009 12:25 pm | Christianity and Jesus and spirituality